


You Can Talk To Me

by Qpenguin98



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Sadstuck, Self-Harm, ahhhahaha, dave is angsty, john tries to listen, suicide ideation, whoohoo, yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 12:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4435112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qpenguin98/pseuds/Qpenguin98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They don’t need to be burdened with all your bullshit. Because that’s all it is. Bullshit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can Talk To Me

**Author's Note:**

> dave is Bold and john is Italics

You like to think you keep it quiet. Sure, you’ll vent to Lalonde sometimes, but who doesn’t need to throw some shit out of their system every now and then?

You never throw it all.

Keep it under wraps, you tell yourself. They don’t need to be burdened with all your bullshit. Because that’s all it is. Bullshit.

John messaged you something, asking if you wanted to get together sometime soon, do some bro bonding, see a movie, something like that. It’s been a couple hours since you’ve seen it and you can’t bring yourself to respond. He knows you’ve seen it. You know he knows you’ve seen it. And you just. Can’t bring yourself to really care.

There’s a buzz from your phone and you allow yourself a few more minutes of writhing around in your own self-pity before looking at it.

_John: dave._

_John: you know you can always talk to me, right?_

You don’t know what gave it away. You want to know so you can fix it and mend it and make sure he never suspects there’s something wrong with you. Because there’s so many fucked up things running through your head and you just want to make sure none of your friends ever get the full brunt of any of it.

It was probably not responding, of course it was not responding.

You should have just said yes.

**Dave: no shit**

**Dave: were best friends man thats the type of shit thats a given**

_John: are you sure?_

_John: because you never do._

Fuck you so hard he’s caught on and he’s the most stubborn shit he’ll never let it go now.

**Dave: nothing to talk about i guess i mean dont take it personally but i dont really have any issues to talk about with you**

_John: dave._

**Dave: john**

_John: your shirt rode up in class the other day._

You have no idea what he’s talking about.

**Dave: and? i dont really think theres anything to brag about but if youre enjoying the view i mean who am i to judge?**

_John: no! ugh, why are you making this so difficult?_

**Dave: making what so difficult? i have no clue what youre talking about man**

_John: your hips were all…_

_John: cut up…_

Oh no.

_John: dave?_

**Dave: haha man you got me**

**Dave: i had a shit run in with a paper shredder and it did not bode well for me**

_John: stop lying to me! you always keep things like this and i’m sick of it! just let me help for once!!!_

You’re not even looking at your phone anymore, just trying to fathom how you let yourself slip, let yourself be so incredibly fucking stupid. You dig your fingers into your hips to feel the ache, the itching burn, the incessant need to add more and you think you feel blood on your fingernails but does it even really matter no no it doesn’t.

You’d like to die right about now but you owe John something you owe him some response.

_John: are you still there?_

_John: i’m sorry… i shouldn’t have pushed you like that…_

_John: fuck dave please respond you’re making me worried._

**Dave: dotn**

**Dave: fuck dont**

**Dave: dont you fucking start blaming yourself dont you fucking do that john its not your fucking fault im just fucked im sorry just dont fucking blame youself**

_John: dave calm down it’s okay._

_John: it’s not your fault either._

It is. You’re shit. Everything’s shit. You shouldn’t be wiping blood off your screen but you are you are you are what the hell is wrong with you, you fucking psycho.

**Dave: haha youre funny youre fucking hilarious**

**Dave: of course its my fault i dont see anyone else slicing up my body**

**Dave: its not like someone elses in my head and controls everything i think and makes me hate myself more than normal**

**Dave: no ones telling me to kill myself john thats me thats all me man not like some crazies trying to push me off my roof thats just me**

**Dave: guess it is some crazy then if its me hahahahhhhhhhhhhhahhaahaahaaaaaaaaaaaaahaa**

Your fingers wouldn’t stop typing the laughing and now he knows how fucked up you are god you’re so stupid. You can’t take him knowing and you can’t take him not knowing.

You want to disappear.

**Dave: john**

**Dave: john are you there?**

**Dave: haha jiohn very funny**

**Dave: you said i could talk to oyu**

**Dave: is that still valid man or are you skipping ou on me now that i spill my guts**

**Dave: not that i bblameyou id probably stop tal;king to me too**

**Dave: though id probbbly give a little warning like now that youe told nmme about all this im stopping talking to uouyy**

**Dave: im sorry**

**Dave: im  sorry asosorry i shouldnt have just told yku that you dont need that shit in your life you don t need ot listen to my crap**

**Dave: sorysory sorry sorryrr sosryy sorry sorry soryyy sorry sorry sorrys oyryy**

Your nails are in your hips again, digging, digging, digging to make yourself stop crying into your knees but you can’t because you thought you could trust him he told you you could talk to him. And now he won’t even reply to your panicked text messages, your cries of apology.

You want to go back to the way things were where he talked to you and didn’t ignore you and if you apologized he accepted and made you feel better but it’s gone because you were STUPID STUPID STUPID.

There’s a knock on your bedroom door and you stop whining into your jeans.

John opens the door, looking sad and scared and you break down sobbing because he’s come to tell you to your face that he hates you.

He practically trips over himself coming to give you a hug and you just immerse yourself because maybe this is your last one maybe he’ll just leave.

He pulls back and asks you why you started crying harder when he came in and you just shove your phone in his face. It’s his turn to get teary eyed and you just sigh and curl up tighter and he comes back and hugs you and apologizes for not responding because he was driving. I’d never stop being your friend for something like that Dave, he tells you and you believe him.

And sure, you still want to chuck yourself of the edge of a bridge, but you’ve got someone to pull you back and keep you here and you feel just a little bit better.

**Author's Note:**

> honestly all youre gonna get from me for a while is vent fics staring dave as the suicidal main character so if thatsnot your jam you should come back to my account in like a month and a half when im out of this funk and back to actually updating my chapter fics


End file.
